


I like you very much, just as you are

by sweaters_in_the_summer



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bridget Jones Diary AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-21 09:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30019674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweaters_in_the_summer/pseuds/sweaters_in_the_summer
Summary: A Bridget Jones's Diary AU.What more is there to be said?
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose, David Rose & Twyla Sands, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Sebastien Raine/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose
Comments: 15
Kudos: 24





	1. Find nice, sensible boyfriend to go out with

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters will be posted once a week or so. :)
> 
> Bridget Jones' Diary is one of my favorite books and movies, but it's also 20+ years old, so some of the themes (weight obsession, sexual harassment) don't work for me anymore. So I took those out, as much as I could. But I left the fun parts. 
> 
> Don't ask where this is set. I have no idea. But no one has fake British accents (no shade meant to Renée Zellweger though now I'm thinking I'm going to have to throw in a reference to her brother somewhere) so let's pretend it's Canada. It's fine.
> 
> Okay. Wish me luck. My ninth fic in the fandom, what am I thinking tackling this?

He was hungover as fuck, sitting on a bus headed to his parents’ house in Elmsfordshire. Why the fuck was he sitting on a bus? He was in his thirties, for god's sake. David pulled out his brand new journal and ran his hands over its soft leather surface. So clean, so unmarked, a fresh start for this new year. Quite unlike how he currently felt, which was like hot garbage.

But his parents insisted he and his sister Alexis join them every year for the annual New Year's Turkey Curry buffet. He still didn’t understand why turkey and why curry on New Year’s Day, and he assumed he never would.

His mother opened the door when the Uber from the bus station dropped him off. She waved a glass of wine at him, telling him to go upstairs and change into the “something more appropriate for this festive occasion” that she’d laid out on his childhood bed.

One glance at the bedazzled holiday sweater had him shaking his head vehemently. No fucking way was that touching his body. He hadn't bedazzled anything since he was 22. She’d have to be happy with what he had on (which was really fabulous, if he did say so himself.)

Bag dropped off, he made his way down to the living room where his parents’ friends had gathered. Fake smile plastered on his face, he accepted a glass of wine and tried to make his way to the food. Sure, turkey curry was weird but it was also warm homemade food and if there was one thing David didn’t turn down, it was homemade food, especially when it was warm.

His sister was standing in the corner with a glass of her own, talking to their parents’ friend Roland. David did not want to talk to him, but he also knew if he didn’t get it over with now, he’d just get cornered by Roland later and be forced to listen to stories about his bunions and other podiatric afflictions. If he was going to have to hear it, it was not going to be when he had a plate of food in his hand. So he’d get it over with now, and maybe get some brother bonus points.

He walked over and stood next to Alexis and gave Roland a grimace. He looked at his sister who widened her eyes at him, desperate for an escape. Roland was in full flow, describing in great detail his latest malady. 

“Sorry, Roland, I just have to…” David pulled Alexis away and towards the other side of the room. Roland trailed off and stared at the plate in his hand. He shrugged, then swiped a large piece of naan through his curry before shoveling into his mouth. 

“Thank you for saving me, David.” Alexis tapped him on the nose before wandering over to Ronnie, who practically ran to the kitchen when she saw who was approaching. Alexis huffed and sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs that lined the walls. 

Now he was free to wander over to the food table. Finally. A man stood there with his back to David, scooping rice onto his plate as David approached. Before he could get to the stack of plates, his mom pulled him by the arm away from the table. David groaned.

“What? What is it?”

Moira kept her voice low - or what she thought was low - as she nodded towards the man at the table, who was wearing an emerald green sweater. “Do you know who that is?”

“Um, no, why would I?”

“Well, I thought you might recollect from your youth the charming man helping himself to comestibles. He’s on the board of one of the biggest museums in the country!”

He studied the man from behind, starting at the shoes, a pair of, oh god, were those mountaineering boots? up his straight legged jeans, well, okay, those were filled out nicely, but then a braided belt, gross, but nice broad shoulders and oh no, he was turning around. The first thing David registered was a head of curls and warm brown eyes. _Ding dong_! David’s eyes traveled down to the man's chest which was bedecked with a light up knitted wreath. Okay, maybe not.

+++

“David.” Patrick’s voice wasn’t quite as warm as David would have liked, but he was definitely way hotter than his memories would have led him to believe. Moira suddenly spoke, startling David and making his wine slosh over his glass onto the carpet. Oops. Patrick quirked a pale eyebrow at him.

“Pat! How fortuitous of you to join us for this banquet celebrating the dawn of a new year! And you donned such festive attire!”

Patrick smiled and thrust his hand forward to shake Moira’s. “Thanks for the invite, Mrs. Rose. My, um, mom gave me this sweater. Kinda had to wear it.” 

She looked at his hand for a moment, then laid hers on David’s arm and smiled brightly at Patrick. “I was just about to remind David of the times the two of you would dash about the yard naked as small children.” 

Patrick’s smile froze as he let his hand drop. “I can’t say I remember that, no.”

David would have been happy to disappear into the wine-stained carpet but his stomach was being rather insistent on being filled, so he yanked his arm from his mother’s grasp and stalked over to the food table. 

After he piled his plate with food, he looked around for somewhere to eat. Patrick was standing alone, looking somewhat uncomfortable. 

Dammit.

David reluctantly walked over to where Patrick was. Now they both stood there, awkwardly.

“So. How was your New Year’s?” David decided he should at least try to make small talk with his childhood acquaintance, though the difference in their attire indicated they really had nothing in common.

Patrick replied that he hadn’t done much, and didn’t say anything else.

David was incapable of not filling an awkward silence, so he proceeded to fill the next three minutes with a very detailed account of his previous evening, complete with mentions of vomit and illegal drugs. 

Patrick looked extremely uncomfortable at David’s retelling of his New Year’s Eve festivities. While David was forcing a chuckle at his own story, Patrick very obviously pretended to see someone he knew across the room. “Um, excuse me, David,” he said apologetically as he walked away.

David sighed. He really needed to work on his flirting technique. 

He peeked his head into the kitchen and saw Alexis, perched on the countertop and engrossed in her phone. He leaned against the counter next to her for a few minutes, neither saying a word, both trying to keep their raging hangovers at bay.

He decided hydration was his best strategy, so he wandered over to the fridge and reached in to grab a cold bottle of water. He was just about to crack it open and guzzle it all in one go when he heard a deep voice coming from just outside the doorway to the kitchen. 

“Mom. Please stop trying to set me up. Particularly not a raging alcoholic who wears funky clothes and who I swear I saw eat a samosa out of the garbage.”

David flushed. He was fairly sure he was the only person at the party who had done that, and while there were fugly sweaters as far as the eye could see (including on the person who just _insulted his wardrobe_ ), he knew from his friend Stevie that his clothes could be described by the less sophisticated as “funky.”

Just as he was about to climb into the refrigerator out of humiliation, Patrick noticed David through the doorway. He had the good grace to look guilty, at least, as David decided to take the high road. He stood tall, and walked with his head held high through the doorway and out the front door. 

Fuck this party.

+++

This was not a promising start to the year. 

He tried to drown it out, but every time he let his mind get quiet, he could hear Patrick’s sneers. Alexis had heard everything, but he was too humiliated to let Stevie and Twyla hear the story. But his sister was incapable of keeping a secret, so naturally they found out. Their sympathy was too much to bear, so he holed up in his apartment, watching Meg Ryan movies and drowning his sorrows in cheap red wine. 

And now it was time to go back to work after the holidays. The one bright spot in his life. Work. Well, not the _work_ part, but his coworker. The divine and terrible Sebastian Raine. He was gorgeous, and kind of a dick, but mostly gorgeous. David would spend his whole day staring at Sebastian through the stupid glass walls of his office, sitting back in his chair with his stupid feet on his desk, talking on the stupid phone. 

Fortunately for his job security, he didn’t spend the _whole_ day gazing dumbly at his colleague. He also eavesdropped on the conversations his coworker Bob had with his wife (who was definitely cheating on him), caught up on gossip blogs, and, oh yeah, occasionally got some actual work done.

He was a copy editor for a monthly publication focused on art. David actually loved the work he did. He loved art. He loved making sure the articles were published with no errors. (Nothing irritated him more than a typo in a published work.) Was it glamorous? Not even close. But it might lead to bigger and better things, and anyway, who cares when he had Sebastian to gaze at longingly and occasionally flirt with?

Except, David forced himself to remember, there was the whole Christmas party debacle, and this was the first day back after Sebastian witnessed him standing on a desk in the middle of the open-plan office trying to recreate Janet Jackson dancing on the beach and singing Love Will Never Do Without You and failing miserably for so many reasons. (It’s not that David _couldn’t_ sing or dance, but the polar bear shots ahead of time did him zero favors.)

But he had a new journal, fresh and clean and it would most definitely _not_ contain any fantasies or otherwise inappropriate content about his colleague. New year, fresh start and all that.

+++

Well, maybe it hadn’t started off very promisingly. It was mid-morning and David hadn’t gotten a single iota of work done. He had, however, cataloged in his mind (and only in his mind, not in his precious journal) what it was about Sebastian that made him so gorgeous. 

He was lost in his fantasy when suddenly Sebastian looked straight at him through the glass and motioned for him to come into his office. David’s heart raced as he pointed to himself and mouthed “me?” He turned around to look and oh, yeah, no. Sebastian had been talking to their boss who had just appeared in the doorway of the office which unfortunately happened to be directly behind David’s desk. 

He sunk down in his chair, humiliated but grateful no one had seen his error. He hid behind the large screen of his computer and once more, pretended to work.

Just then, his desk phone rang. David glanced at the caller ID and saw it was Stevie. Thank god it wasn’t actually work-related. His friend was mid-rant by the time he got the phone up to his ear. He held it slightly away from his ear while he turned around in his chair, the cord wrapping around him and preventing him from making a full 360. 

This was a familiar scenario, Stevie irritated at Jake, then calling David to complain about him. They both knew (from experience) that Jake was not going to be anything less than _Jake_ , which meant, well, completely sex-obsessed. He tuned her out and made sounds of agreement every so often as phrases like “expired groupon” and “bug bites” and “the woods” filtered through. 

“Look, Jake is nothing but a penis without a conscience, which works out well for both of you since all you want is for someone to celebrate your body…”

He let the cord unwind and spin him back towards his desk. Oh fuck. Sebastian was standing there with a stack of papers and an amused look on his face. 

“...of work. We will be celebrating your body of work, at this party we are sponsoring, and I look forward to seeing you there. Thank you so much, goodbye!” He held the phone in his hand, unable to hang it up with the cord tangled around his arm.

David ventured a glance at Sebastian’s face. Had he bought it? 

Sebastian handed over the stack of papers. “The guest list for the party.” David took it gratefully with his free hand as Sebastian started to walk away. _Whew, he got away with it._

Sebastian stopped and turned and looked back at David. “Sounds like you were talking to the guest of honor.”

_Or, maybe not._

David pressed his lips together in a line and nodded. “Mmhmm.”

“So you were talking to the artist we’re spotlighting at the party?” David nodded again. 

“Zahra Salazar?” David nodded yet again, uncertain but determined not to let Sebastian see it. 

“Who died in 1978?” 

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck._

+++

The only way to deal with such a monumental work fuck-up is to get drunk with friends. So that’s just what David did. He met up with Alexis, Stevie, and Twyla at the Wobbly Elm, which was surprisingly busy for a Monday evening. 

David let his glass of wine stay topped up as he listened to his friends rant. Twyla may seem like pure sunshine at first glance, but she had a dark streak and when inspired, could let loose with a string of expletives that would make George Carlin blush. At the moment she was _very_ inspired by Sebastian.

“Fuck him. Fuck that fucking fuck. He can take his Zahra Salazar and shove it up his fucking ass.” 

When her rant ended, David was both touched and a bit frightened, and he turned his attention to Stevie. She shook her head, not wanting to talk about Jake anymore. What was the point? Anyway, David’s fuckup at work that she’d heard through the phone delighted her so much that even Jake couldn’t bother her. 

He turned his gaze to his sister, who wasn’t even paying attention to anyone at the table. She was flirting with an attractive blond man who David could tell from his nervousness was asking her if she was _the_ Alexis from _that_ song. He saw her give the guy her phone number and a two-eyed wink before he wandered off, dazed.

The night ended soon after that, the table littered with wine bottles and shot glasses and cocktail napkins. They all walked out of the bar arm in arm, drunk and happy. As they waited outside for the town’s only taxi, David was filled with warmth for his sister and friends. Or maybe that was the booze talking. In any case, he was determined that tomorrow he’d turn over a new leaf at work.


	2. Introduce people with thoughtful details

Fresh start. Right.

David smoothed down the front of his jacket as he stepped out of the elevator and walked over to his desk. Bob, who was close to his dad’s age, gave him a wide-eyed look as he sat down. “Morning, David!”

David gave him a weak smile and sat down, swiveling to his computer and turning it on. It’s not that he was feeling shy about his clothing choice that day. David had a unique style that was one of the few things in his life he felt truly confident about. Sure, it wasn’t for everyone, but he knew what his clothing said and today he has picked out his outfit with a very specific statement in mind.

 _Sex_.

Well, okay, maybe that wasn’t totally appropriate for the workplace. Maybe _flirtatious_ was a better word for it. But the black leather jacket, black t-shirt, and skintight black jeans were a far cry from the cozy sweaters and jeans (that he could breathe in) he usually wore. 

In any case, he wanted to take Sebastian’s mind off all of the foolish things he’d done in the workplace just in the last month and give him something else to think about. 

It seems to have worked, too. David could feel his coworker’s eyes following him as he strolled to the water cooler and sensually filled his water bottle. That was totally a thing, right? 

Back at his desk with a full bottle, David noticed he had a notification in his Messages app. His heart raced when he saw who it was from.

Sebastian R  
  
Hot date after work?  
  
excuse me?  
  
Just not your usual...work wardrobe.  
  
oh, you've noticed my work wardrobe?  
  
It’s rather hard not to. You wear sweaters in August.  
  
they tend to be very soft and cozy.  
  
Well, now it’s January and you’re wearing a t-shirt.  
  
I also have a jacket.  
  
Yes, I noticed that as well.   
  
and jeans are perfectly acceptable in january.  
  
I don’t know if jeans that tight are ever acceptable in the workplace. 😉  
  


David sat back at his desk, letting his monitor hide his face from Sebastian, but sneaking a quick peek. Sebastian looked straight at him and raised his eyebrows. David slunk down in his seat and pretended to work for the rest of the day, but he was unable to wipe the smile off his face.

At the end of the day, David was disappointed nothing else had happened. He knew this might be a long game. _Just need to bide my time_ , he thought to himself as he packed up his belongings and headed out of the office. 

The elevator doors were just about to close when, like in a movie, a hand stopped them. They opened up to reveal Sebastian standing there. David had just been able to relax for the first time all day - flirting was stressful! And now he was going to have to share the elevator with his crush who also just happened to be someone he worked with. 

“David,” Sebastian purred when the doors had closed. He stepped closer to David. “Do you have any plans for Friday night? I’d love to take you to dinner.” David wanted nothing more than to engage in inappropriate workplace banter in an elevator, but the elevator decided at that very moment to stop at another floor. Bastard.

The elevator filled up as it stopped at every fucking floor on the way to the lobby. On the bright side, it meant Sebastian was pressed closer and closer to him. He gloried in the heat he felt as they were squeezed together. But honestly, the elevator wasn’t that full. His stomach flipped when he realized Sebastian was way closer than he really needed to be.

David was disappointed when they reached the lobby, missing the press of Sebastian’s side against his own. He was tall, but Sebastian was taller and he reveled in the feeling of being smaller, a little vulnerable.

Once in the lobby, David paused to reach into his bag to put on his sunglasses before heading outside. And maybe, just maybe, Sebastian would stop to chat. 

“David,” Sebastian drawled. _Bingo_.

David stilled, his hand remaining in his bag. He slowly pulled out his sunglasses and gently put the end of one of the arms in his mouth, imagining he looked very seductive. But then he remembered how expensive this particular pair was and slid it back out. 

“Yes?” he breathed. 

“About Friday night. How about it?” Sebastian’s hair was mussed, his suit rumpled from his day. David couldn’t _stand_ how sexy this man was. And their text-based flirting earlier in the day had David feeling uncharacteristically confident. He knew this man liked him. He could afford to be coy.

“Friday night’s the big party. And I was asked to introduce the publisher at the beginning, so I have to be there. But I’ll see you...there.” With that, David slid on his sunglasses and sauntered out of the glass doors of the lobby. He swung his hips just a bit, knowing Sebastian’s eyes were on his ass.

It occurred to him that it was only Wednesday and he’d surely see Sebastian in the office tomorrow and again on Friday before the party, which took the wind out of his sails just a bit. But for now, he focused on the success of his parting words and on a high, made his way home.

Once inside his apartment, he pulled his new journal out of his bag. He set it on the table in his tiny kitchen, and pulled a bottle of wine out of the nearly-empty rack and a glass out of the cabinet. This was one of his favorite times of day. Work was over and the evening stretched in front of him. And finally, he was going to break in his new, pristine journal.

He brought everything over to the sofa and set it on the side table. He _loved_ his sofa. It was deep and long and just soft enough to curl up in. He pulled one of his favorite pens out of a cup he kept next to the lamp just for this and cracked open the book. 

Fresh year, fresh start, he’d promised himself, though his flirtations with Sebastian were not exactly in keeping with his resolution. He opened it to the first page and wrote his name and the year in large, looping letters, just as he did every year. And turned the page and wrote until his mind was blank and his wine glass was empty. (For the second time.)

This journal would stay with him almost constantly until the next year began, and feeling fond, he walked over to the shelves next to the television that held all of the journals dating back to his youth. He was eleven when his father first presented him with a leather-bound journal for him to record his thoughts, his dreams, to sketch in, to doodle in, to confide in. 

Now there were nearly two full shelves of almost identical black bindings, plain on the outside but filled with _him_. He knew if there was ever a fire, that’s what he’d save. Forget photos or his laptop or even his clothes. Okay, that wasn’t really true. He had long envisioned how he’d fill one side of his hard-sided suitcase with journals, safely tucked behind the mesh zipper panel, and the other side would be crammed with the vintage designer sweaters he collected.

But the journals, absolutely. That didn’t mean he wanted to go back and read the old ones. God knows, just the thought made him break out into a cold sweat. But he needed to be able to. Like, it would probably be a good idea to go back through last year’s to remind himself why flirting with Sebastian was such a bad idea. But that’s also why he refused to. Because it was so much _fun_. 

+++

Friday finally arrived, and David went home early to get ready for that evening’s party. He had plans for a nice long bath, a face mask, and a few fortifying glasses of wine before he had to head to the event venue.

Before he got into the tub, he looked around his apartment with a critical eye. What if…

He quickly pulled some fresh sheets out of the linen closet (ha, that’s what he called the second shelf from the bottom in the bathroom cabinet) and made his bed with them, spritzing just a bit of his cologne on them, feeling slightly foolish as he did so. He fluffed the duvet and pillows, making the bed as inviting as possible. _Just in case_. 

Satisfied, he got into his bath so he could get ready for the evening ahead.

When he arrived at the party, he was feeling good. He knew the suit he was wearing was tailored to perfection (sure, it was a few years old, but it had been a splurge when he got his job) and his hair was impeccably coiffed, including his potentially-unruly eyebrows. (If there was one thing David always made sure of, it was that his eyebrows were tamed.) 

Even though he’d had a couple of glasses of wine at home, he grabbed a glass of sparkling wine off the tray of a passing waiter. He was a bit nervous about getting up in front of the crowd and introducing his boss. 

He decided to wander around the crowded room a bit to get his bearings. God, he wishes he could have brought Stevie. Alexis would have flirted with everyone and Twyla was likely to let loose a string of expletives at some very inappropriate moment, so Stevie would have been his safest bet. Except she’d drink all the wine. So probably it was for the best that he was alone.

He was smiling to himself as he wound his way through some clusters of people, listening in to snippets of their pretentious conversations. He saw Bob hovering on the outskirts of one of these groups, and when he saw David, his face lit up. 

“David!” he called him over. David groaned under his breath, but pasted on a smile and greeted his coworker.

The group they were standing near opened up their circle at that moment, and David was stunned to see Patrick Brewer standing opposite him. Next to him stood a man David didn’t recognize, but he was shorter than Patrick and when David looked at the floor to hide his red face, he saw that the man was wearing...oh god, worse than mountaineering boots...these were long and pointy with the toes squared off. David didn’t know what to call them other than hideous.

No longer intimidated, he met Patrick’s eye again and introduced Bob. He tried to remember the fool-proof way to introduce two completely different people. And there were probably few people with less in common than Bob and Patrick. 

“Patrick, this is my colleague Bob. In his spare time he repairs cars, and has an interest in leather clothing.” David admired how Patrick took his ridiculous introduction in stride. Bob looked puzzled but also pleased at how well his younger colleague seemed to know him.

Patrick took the bait. “David, Bob, this is Ken.” David and Bob nodded at him. “Ken, this is David. We used to run around our yards together, naked.” 

Both Ken and Bob’s eyes widened. Patrick smirked at David, who was at a loss for words. What was happening? Before he could get his wits about him, Sebastian pushed Bob aside to stand next to David, slinging his arm around him. Any warmth in Patrick’s eyes disappeared at the interruption. 

“I swear I just heard the word ‘naked’,” Sebastian smarmed. “Hello, Patrick.”

“Sebastian,” Patrick replied coldly. 

David couldn’t even appreciate Sebastian’s arm wrapped around his shoulders as he felt the tension and coldness between the two men. What the hell was going on?

Patrick turned away and walked off, Ken following him like a weirdly-shod duckling.

+++

The rest of the party passed without incident. As long as one didn’t consider David getting on stage and forgetting his boss’s name and cursing into the microphone an incident. David honestly didn’t give a fuck because the moment he was off the stage, Sebastian was herding him out the door, into his car, and to the latest “hot” restaurant. 

David couldn’t remember having so much fun on a date. He laughed so much his cheeks hurt, and if some of that laughter was at the expense of others, so what? No one liked Sebastian because he was _nice_. 

David was scraping the side of his bowl of chocolate mousse ( _so retro, David_ , Sebastian had remarked as he refused dessert and ordered another glass of whiskey instead) when he remembered that Sebastian knew Patrick.

“So what’s that about?” 

Sebastian swirled his glass as he looked up to the ceiling, gathering his words. When he looked at David, there was obvious pain in his face. “I was engaged, once.” 

David’s jaw dropped. That seemed...unlikely. He put his spoon down and nodded at Sebastian to continue. 

“We were together for four years, and one day I came home early from a conference and I found him in bed with Patrick.” 

If David’s jaw could have fallen off his face, it would have done so at this information. _Patrick_? He was so….square! How could someone who had been with Sebastian leave him for Patrick? Granted, Patrick was good looking, but Sebastian was...a god.

“I’m so sorry, Seb. That’s disgusting. I can’t believe this is the same man who I saw wearing a light up christmas sweater at my parent’s new year’s party.”

Sebastian grimaced. “Believe it.” 

As David watched, Sebastian’s frown turned into something more heated, and he threw some cash on the table. “C’mon, let’s go back to yours.”

_Thank god he’d made the bed._


	3. What a gripping life you do lead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter I've posted that I didn't have someone else read beforehand to make sure it makes sense. I hope it makes sense.

He couldn’t believe it. He was in a bona fide relationship with Sebastian Raine. The man he’d had a crush on for three years. They spent the night at David’s, they went to clubs, they went on dates to restaurants. David was in love. Not that he was going to say it, god no. But he hoped Sebastian felt the same. He was pretty sure that Sebastian felt the same.

But as usual, when one thing in life was going well, something else had to go to shit. And in this case, it was his family. His mother, to be more precise. She had summoned David to come see her at the community theater where she worked as a receptionist slash producer slash actor. (Only the first one of those actually paid anything.) 

He had to take the bus to his hometown again so he could meet with her, and he thought to himself,  _ this had better be good. _

But as he opened the doors into the theater, he knew it wasn’t going to be. She was sitting on the edge of the stage, surrounded by the other members of the theater troupe, and was regaling them with some apparently amusing story. He stayed by the doors, hidden in the shadows while he watched her wave her hands around as she spun her tale. Her face was lit up, he could see that, and it warmed his heart slightly to see her happy. 

As he waited for a good opportunity to approach her without her hordes of admirers (she had been in a daytime soap opera when David and Alexis were younger and she fancied that this lent the theater a bit of glamour, while he thought it was somewhat pathetic that there were still people who were starstruck in her presence) he noticed one man standing next to her who didn’t leave when the others melted away. 

David vaguely recognized the man from a local cable station. He was pretty sure the overly tanned man had some kind of infomercial? Or a shopping channel? Whatever it was, it sucked. 

Taking a deep breath, he walked down the side aisle of the small theater and approached Moira.

“Hey, mom,” David said with an awkward wave. Ugh, he was over thirty (barely, of course) but sometimes being in his mother’s presence made him feel like an angsty teen again.

“Daaaavid, light of my life! My eldest son! Come here!” Moira beckoned him over. 

“Your only son, Mom.” He barely suppressed an eye roll. 

“Yes, yes, child. I have someone here whose acquaintance I'd like you to make.” She gestured to the orange man. “This is Arthur.”

The man in question thrust his hand forward for David to shake. “Artie, please.” He had many more bracelets on his arm than any human on earth should have, much less an aging Lothario. He shuddered and kept his hands firmly in his pockets. It came to him at once. Infomercials for a trailer park.  _ That’s _ what it was. 

“Mom, can I talk to you outside?” David took a hold of her arm and steered her back to the doors he’d come through. They stood in the lobby of the theater, alone. “What in the hell is going on?” He pointed back to the theater. “Who is that buffoon?”

“David, I have to tell you something that you might find unfathomable.” Moira took a deep breath. David waited for the inevitable dramatics. “I have left your father.”

David felt the blood drain from his face. “You  _ what _ ?” His parents had a love story for the decades. It’s what gave him hope that he would find love one day. This was not supposed to happen. Not ever.

He could barely hear his mother talk about how John took her for granted, and had done for the past 40 years, and how life was so dull. “Dad adores you,” David snapped at her. “He would literally do anything on earth for you.” 

“Yes, David. That’s the problem.”

David had no idea what she was talking about, but before he could get away, she was talking about her sex life with Artie and, no, he was not sticking around for this. He didn’t care that he had spent over an hour on a smelly bus to hear this. 

As approached the door to get the hell out, he heard her call after him. “But have you heard from Patrick Brewer?” He rolled his eyes and walked out.

He knew what he needed to do. Once he was on the sidewalk outside, away from all of that mess, he took his phone out of his pocket and dialed.

“Dad? I’m coming home.”

+++

David and his dad had never been as close as he was with his mom, or as his dad was with Alexis, for that matter. He would have called her to come join him, to make it slightly less awkward, but he knew she had a date with some vet she couldn’t stop talking about. He could take one for the team, whatever that meant. 

They spent the evening watching Artie’s infomercials, making fun of him and drinking wine. His dad was still sad and had no idea what to do without his beloved wife, but at least David had him laughing. He slept that night curled up in his childhood bed, texting Sebastian and feeling half giddy, half unsettled. 

+++

David had made it. He had  _ made it _ . He and Sebastian were  _ going away for a weekend _ , to the Crystal Elms spa. He couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe he was in a real relationship just like a real functioning adult. Sebastian had even rented a car to get there, a convertible, no less. While David was somewhat worried about his carefully coiffed hair in the open air, it was too perfect and romantic to really complain. 

Best of all? He was accompanying David to a party at the Schitt’s house on Sunday. David couldn’t wait to show Sebastian off, and hopefully they’d stop making snide remarks about his single status. It was a theme party, which David was usually not in favor of, but with his handsome boyfriend at his side, who cares?

Sebastian’s choice of road trip snacks left something to be desired (a small bag of beef jerky and that was it? What was this, Les Miz?) he wasn’t going to let it get him down. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the wind and the beautiful countryside as it whizzed by, forgetting about his family drama for now.

Sebastian pulled into the gravel drive of the hotel and tossed the keys to the valet. David nearly swooned at that gesture as they walked into the lobby. He assumed the looks he was getting from the other guests was because of the extraordinarily handsome man he was with. He couldn’t blame them, really. 

They walked up to the front desk, and, okay, the clerk was staring at David, not Sebastian. What the fuck? David caught Sebastian’s eye. He was barely stifling a laugh. David raised his hand to his hair and gasped in horror. He crouched down a bit so he could see himself in the mirror behind the desk. 

It was worse than he could imagine. His hair looked like Monica’s did in Barbados. His normally smooth curls were out in full force, frizzy and in a halo around his head. It was not a good look. He needed to get to their room _now_ and the clerk was taking her sweet time getting them the key while she flirted with Sebastian. He turned to go find a restroom in the lobby to try to deal with this mess when  who was coming out of the elevators but Patrick Brewer.

Of fucking course. And trailing slightly behind him was Mr. Million Dollar Smile, Ken. 

Patrick stopped when he saw David and smiled softly, but it didn’t seem like he was laughing at his hair. Sebastian walked up and put his arm around David’s waist, and the smile left Patrick’s face abruptly. “David. Sebastian.” 

“Just having a little weekend getaway at the spa,” David said airily. Patrick didn’t look impressed. 

“I take it you’re also headed to the Schitt’s party on Sunday?” David nodded.

“We decided to come up a bit early and get some work done so it wouldn’t be a totally wasted weekend.” Patrick patted his laptop bag as he quickly glanced at Sebastian. 

Sebastian slid on his sunglasses and pulled David closer. “How interesting. What a gripping life you do lead,” he drawled. At that, he pulled David away past the two men to the elevators. David felt slightly bad at how rude Sebastian had been, but at the same time, he could hardly disagree.  _ What a dullard _ . But still, his stomach churned just a bit.

+++

The Crystal Elms had a lovely spa, and David spent much of the afternoon getting a seaweed wrap and a pedicure while Sebastian lounged by the pool. After his pampering session, David changed into his trunks and went out to meet his boyfriend. As he walked up, he noticed Patrick and Ken sitting at one of the tables with paperwork,  _ actually doing work _ . Patrick glanced up as David approached the pool and his eyes widened.

Sebastian seemed to be dozing under an umbrella, so David crouched down and ran his fingers through the water, then flicked them at Sebastian. 

“What the…” Sebastian sputtered. He glared at David, then jumped up and wrapped him in a bear hug, maneuvering them both closer to the pool. David gasped as they hit the water. He re-emerged, giggling. Even Sebastian was laughing.

Ken was not so amused. Their table had gotten a bit of the splash from the horseplay. He frowned towards the now-kissing men in the pool. “So immature,” he said, loftily.

Patrick tried not to stare at them. 

“Yes,” he agreed, under his breath, as they gathered up their papers.

+++

David woke up late the next morning stretched out like a cat in a puddle of sunlight. He felt good.  _ Really _ good after the day (and night) he and Sebastian had enjoyed. He had curled back up under the covers when he heard the electronic key card opening the door and peeked out to see Sebastian carrying two paper cups of coffee. David smiled. How lucky was he? 

Not so lucky, it seemed, as he took a sip of the bitter, black liquid. This was not right. But he was so grateful for the gesture that he pretended to enjoy it. He didn’t want to discourage generous behavior, after all, misguided as it might be.

“So about the party…” David began. Sebastian sat heavily on the bed next to him, rubbing his face with his hands. David’s heart sank.

“David, when I was getting coffee, I got a call from the office. I have to go back this afternoon.” Sebastian turned to face David. His eyes didn’t want to meet David’s.

“On a Sunday?” David couldn’t believe it. He  _ did _ , though, because what other choice did he have? “What about the party?”

Sebastian grinned at David. “I will drop you off so you can still go. We don’t want that costume to go to waste, do we?” 

Reluctantly, David smiled at that. 

+++

A few hours later, David stood in the Schitt’s driveway in his costume. Sebastian had just driven off and he could hear the partygoers in the backyard. The theme was “Slumber Party” and David was wearing a set of classic pajamas, white with blue piping. 

He walked around the house to the yard, and as soon as he saw the other partygoers, he stopped. 

Oh holy fuck.

“David, isn’t this an interesting choice of vestments for this little soiree!” Moira walked over with Artie trailing close behind. Oh, this just got better and better. “Did you just roll out of bed?”

David gritted his teeth. “Why is no one else dressed up?” He crossed his arms over his chest. The pajamas weren’t revealing, but he was embarrassed to be wearing incorrect attire. That was not the David Rose way.

“Didn’t anyone tell you? They decided not to go with a theme after all.”

“Obviously not, or I wouldn’t be wearing this.” David waved his hands at his clothes. This was humiliating. He walked away, unwilling to be dragged into another conversation with the vile Artie. 

Ah, there was his dad, sitting on a bench in the corner of the large backyard. David took a seat next to him and followed his gaze. He was looking sadly at his wife, who had her head thrown back in laughter at something Artie had said. David and his dad grimaced at the same time. 

Just then David noticed what Johnny was wearing. “So you didn’t get the memo either, eh?”

Johnny looked down at his outfit and shook his head with a chuckle. “I thought your mom would get a laugh out of this. You and your sister loved making fun of my ‘Ebeneezer Scrooge’ nightshirt.” He sniffed. Uh oh. David awkwardly put his arm around his Dad’s shoulders and tried to comfort him. 

“You should have seen the way your mother looked at me.” Johnny’s face dropped at the memory. “I think she got a laugh, but not in the way I’d hoped.” 

David sighed, so  _ mad _ at his mom for putting his bumbling but kind-hearted dad in such a position. For putting _him_ in a position to have to display genuine human emotion. Fuck. “She’ll be back. She loves you, very much.” Johnny nodded sadly. 

“Let me go get us something to drink,” David offered. He walked over to the makeshift bar, too busy avoiding Roland Schitt to notice that Patrick Brewer was digging through the giant ice-filled bin of beer next to the table. He did, however, appreciate his ass, until he realized who it belonged to.

As Patrick stood up and noticed David, Jocelyn Schitt bounded up to the table.  _ Could this get any worse? _ David wondered.

“David? You didn’t bring your new boyfriend?” Jocelyn had a look of concern on her face. David wasn’t sure it was altogether genuine. “What’s his name? Simon? Stuart?”

“Sebastian Raine,” Patrick snapped.

“Mmm, no, he couldn’t make it,” David replied. He stole a glance at Patrick, who looked stony-faced.

“Oh, Patrick, do you know Sebastian?” Jocelyn hadn’t missed a thing. “Are you a friend of his?”

“I do know him, but we are absolutely not friends.”

Jocelyn frowned. “Well, I hope he is good enough for our David!” 

Patrick looked directly at David. “I can say with 100% certainty that he absolutely is not.” 

David’s mouth dropped open. How  _ dare _ he? “Well, I can say with 100% certainty that he would say the same thing about you, given your past behavior!”

Inexplicably, Patrick looked hurt at that. “Wait, what?”

“You know exactly what I mean,” David retorted.

But Patrick only looked confused and a bit sad. He turned and walked away holding two bottles of beer, back to the table Ken was sitting at with a plate of food. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr.](https://sweatersinthesummer.tumblr.com/)


End file.
